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movement study

ThaoXX

i. oceanic feelings

is this
the time when we let
go of innocence
and face the demons
deep within?

like waves
they break (us)
and we want to force
a stand-still

uncertain if we
want to move on

but there is no
chance of a full stop -
in fact, this
might be the moment
when we dare
to act beyond (us)

ii. a funhouse

a room full
of mirrors but
you cannot
see
yourself in the
absolutes
so it makes you define
this house as a home
of none

the quest of
an identity
unified
oddly singles out
a voice that
can be called your own
so: sing a-long this sing
along song as

you hold onto
the cloud-scratching
silhouettes
overshadowing the
dreams and
nightmares of what
might constitute
(us)

iii. act up, act out

allyship versus
comradery
knock out nation

measurement of
radicalism
as in feeding egos
not compassion

but then:
an embrace so
soft it scares you
a bodily homecoming
a tension that pulls
you to the public
still standing

a movement
that reaches behind
and far beyond us
one that cannot be
grasped nor monetized

but one that we can
feel by moving with
and coming closer
to each other
in solidarity

iv. interplay

a state of surrender
as giving
access
to something else
that is not me
while refusing
to ever be over-
taken by it

to welcome the known
and unknown

so that
i can continue
(right next to you)

//

written in 2021, adapted in 2023






thao ho aka thaoxx (they/them) is a researcher, filmmaker and writer based in berlin. currently, they work at the schwules museum & archive focusing on transnational queer movements and practices of memory. thao has given talks at CTM Festival, Maxime Gorki Theater, MärzMusik and Radical Film Network on the politics of noise, temporality and aesthetics of resistance.

vimeo
Instagram: @dymtt_






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